SOUL MUD: Random Ramblings of my 24/7 Brain

A couple of days ago, in an attempt to verbalize how I was feeling, I turned to my husband and said, "I feel as though I'm standing in the midst of a myriad of broken mirror pieces."  To which he replied, "What does that mean?" I sat with those feelings for a couple days.  And then, yesterday, the words came.  And so, I made the post "The Shattered Mirror of Me - by Autumn Boyet-Stinton" here on my blog.   In honesty, I forgot that my blog "auto-publishes" to my FB feed, (I think I was successful in changing that option) so, I was initially confused to have friends reach out to me privately to see if I was "ok."  Once I figured out what they were responding to, I was moved by their concern.  However, what struck me most and what prevented me from taking the post down (because I didn't want to cause concern) was that everyone I spoke to, said that my words, however personal, resonated with them.   . .."My expression of my ve...

  The Shattered Mirror of Me – Autumn Boyet-Stinton 10/5/2022 Jagged pieces of my psyche surround me, shattered at my feet and ankles.  A million mirrored bits that no longer make a whole.  Each edge glimmering with the power to puncture, slice and slay, individually harming  in seemingly minute ways.  Yet combined, they drain from me life force.  A small seeping, that ever so slightly, weakens my spirit and taxes my soul.    I am aware of this gradual depletion, this slipping of control, but I know not how to stop what seems to be the inevitable.  And I am lost to myself.    Reflective pieces surround me and construe reality into something unfamiliar and unrecognizable to my own eyes.  Segments of me and my life peek back in broken pieces, confusing my reality, reflecting me in obscurity.  There are glimmers of recognition, moments in which the reflections mimic reality.  Not quite in focus, never fully see...

 So, I was sitting here thinking:  I gotta figure out how to do something that makes a difference in this world.   Gahhh!   I gotta get my poop in a group and figure out a way to make a difference... I mean... I'm not getting any younger... tick-tock!   But, what do I do?  What can I contribute to my community, my region, my country, my world that will have a meaningful impact?  I feel like being mindful of my contributions to the betterment of our planet, and thus our civilization for generations to come... It's important.  It's vital.   At the same time, it feels so big...actually HUGE to take on the idea that I could make a big impact.  And, I feel fairly certain that I'm over-ASSuming my self-importance.   Ok...so what CAN I do.  What are others doing that gives them a deeper sense of meaning in their current existence?  I would venture a guess that it's pretty individual - depending on the individual's emotional, phys...

  The Sunflower By Autumn Boyet-Stinton - February 8, 2022 Petals of yellow bright as the sun’s rays Towering majestically on warm summer days.   Thousands of buds showcased as one whole A symbol of happiness and luck they extol.   Faces turned up t’ward the sharp blue-bird sky Following the sun till’ the day says goodbye.   Named for the sun its face does reflect A bright disposition they seem to affect.   Yet, their beauty is more than simple cliché Deep-rooted and cleansing a bounty of seeds on the way.   So, look to the sunflower for it may inspire Positivity and strength good traits to admire.  Shine on sunflower!