SOUL MUD: Random Ramblings of my 24/7 Brain

Nostalgia is a funny thing.   Triggered by smells, sights, sounds or just a brief flash back – a glimpse of a wistful memory or moment long past, but recalled with affection.   As summer comes to a close for so many school aged children, and kids head back to school, I have found that I am indulging in my childhood memories of summer.   The most vivid of my memories are of the summers that took place at Falls Creek Ranch.   I can close my eyes and feel the cool mornings and cool evenings on my skin.   I can smell the fresh mountain air seeping in through the window screens.   I can hear my mom’s voice floating up the stairs.   As annoying as it was when I was a kid that she was always so chipper in the mornings, her pleasant morning singing and the noises of her clambering around the kitchen soothe me now in my memories.      I suppose that my mom's descriptive adjectives of summer might not be the same as mine.   But, I’m not...

As I get older, I think about the timelines and guideposts that I use to gauge success in my life.   I often think about what I knew (at least what I thought I knew) and what I know now.   I think it is evolutionary.   Life continues on and, (if we are actually living our lives), we learn and grow as we go along.   I’ve always had an independent mind.   I have always felt as though I was fairly sure of who I was.   I knew what I wanted and where I was going.   Looking back, I can see the goal posts that I set and the timelines that I created and followed – sometimes almost blindly and to my detriment.   The only saving grace that I can glean from the bumps, bruises and failures I survived along the way is the realization that it is all part of the story that makes up who I am today.   When I think about the timelines that are imposed on us and how rigid they can be, I can’t help but consider where they came from and how I adopte...

I get really upset when someone ignores my input.   I speak up when I know something.   If I don’t know, I don’t have a problem saying so.   If you know me, you know that I don’t really know that much and often say, “I don’t know the answer to that question.”    However, in the same breath, I can adamantly say that if I speak up and share something I do know, it lights me up when I encounter doubt.   I often wonder if it is pride that causes this adverse reaction.   I can admit honestly, when my input is shrugged off or when, after I’ve already stated something, someone comes back and reiterates the same thing that I just said, it infuriates me.    But why does it matter so much to me?   Do I feel like I need people to know that I know?   Do I need the ego boost from an outside source?   Why does it go beyond simple irritation for me?   Why am I unable to let it just roll off my back?   I think it i...