The Strength of Uncertainty (7/14/2018)


I get really upset when someone ignores my input.  I speak up when I know something.  If I don’t know, I don’t have a problem saying so.  If you know me, you know that I don’t really know that much and often say, “I don’t know the answer to that question.”  

However, in the same breath, I can adamantly say that if I speak up and share something I do know, it lights me up when I encounter doubt.  I often wonder if it is pride that causes this adverse reaction.  I can admit honestly, when my input is shrugged off or when, after I’ve already stated something, someone comes back and reiterates the same thing that I just said, it infuriates me.  

But why does it matter so much to me?  Do I feel like I need people to know that I know?  Do I need the ego boost from an outside source?  Why does it go beyond simple irritation for me?  Why am I unable to let it just roll off my back?  

I think it is more than that.  I don't think it is about me needing to be right or needing others to know I'm right as much as it is about a deep-seeded realization that my personal power is taking a direct hit.  But, I think I can grow past that too.  I may just need to realize that the feelings that surge forth are just my warning system sounding the alarm that I need to remember that only I have the right to my power.  Here's the thing:  

We seem to think that an admission of uncertainty is an admission of weakness - of our lack of power.  Yet, ironically, the admission of uncertainty is characteristic of great belief in oneself despite both.  While it may display one’s human frailty, it is in this frailty that there is strength.  I struggle with showing my own vulnerability.  I work on this daily.  I am learning however, that in my vulnerabilities there is power.  As difficult as it has been for me to accept, embrace and even share my vulnerabilities, it sounds so simple now that I’ve worked my way to this point.

My vulnerability is evidence of my conviction to live a reality - not just a belief or an ideal.  That gives me power.  My personal power is found in my knowing and accepting my vulnerability, and therefore, claiming certainty for myself. 

There are so many outside influences in this world we live in.  There are voices that invade our personal realms, uninvited, with their emphatic, blustering presence.  Falling victim to these influences is sometimes an unconscious action.  Strong voices sounds us and consume every inch of space around us – “think this,” “be this,” “wear this,” “buy this,” “drink this,” “want this,” “need this.” It infiltrates and without us even realizing, it reaches its tentacles around and in and through us.  It is stealthy.  It can happen and we won’t even realize that our vulnerability was preyed upon and our power was stolen.  

But, the shift of power isn’t as difficult as one might imagine.  My power comes in not allowing others to dictate or lay claim to my reality.  This privilege is mine – mine alone!  As powerful as outside influences may be, I retain and ensure my own power in knowing, even in uncertainty, that my own voice is more as powerful and absolute. 




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