Do I Fear The Future? (7/24/2019)


A friend recently asked me if I feared the future?  If ever there has been a loaded question for me - this one tops the list.  

DO I FEAR THE FUTURE?  My first reaction is to say, no.  I do not fear the future.  

My perspective is probably an odd one.  I am very “here and now” person. I am usually totally invested and focused on the immediate circumstance.  That can be a blessing and a curse.  Sometimes it prevents me from thinking things through like I should because I am so focused on “right now.”  However, more often than not, I get more benefit out of this tendency than heartache as it lends to me being engaged in, and enjoying, the moment. 

Much of my outlook comes from my upbringing.  My mom was/is the best at finding the “bright side” of things and adapting to still find the fun and adventure in even the worst of scenarios.  I’m grateful for that, because I tend to do the same.   If something doesn’t work out like I think, I am usually able to shrug it off and find another aspect to focus on.  (Usually)

Don’t get me wrong, there are things that leave me spinning my wheels and feeling depressed - things that make me feel as though they are happening as punishment for something I did.  I fall down that rabbit hole from time to time.  I suppose we all do.  Our human lives really are tragedies, are they not?  Life is difficult.  Relationships are difficult.  This world is difficult.  Everything about life it seems involves some type of suffering as the main premise of our living experience - and that my friends, is the definition of a "tragedy."  

When I think of all the traumatic things I’ve lived through and experienced, and the myriad health issues that continue to plague me, I realize, that my life is quite the horror story and that feels daunting to me.  In all honestly, just last week as I lie awake in in the wee hours of the morning, listening to my own troubled lungs trying to breathe, I was overwhelmed by thoughts of my mortality and the simple thought that I don't want to die yet.  And in that moment, I found myself wondering if it was fear that was propelling my thought process at that moment?  Do I in fact fear the future?  Or maybe the idea of the lack thereof?  

But, isn't it is the same for everyone?  Everyone lives a tragedy.  Everyone suffers.  Everyone hurts.  As awful as that sounds - and by no means would I wish that on anyone - it does make me feel less alone in my battles.  I’m not alone and there are people who go through more/worse and can still find success in life.  That gives me strength to feel more powerful and capable to handle what befalls me.  Therefore, I feel pretty confident in saying that I don't fear the future.  I have a sense of great faith - maybe foolishly - in myself and my abilities to adapt and not only survive, but thrive.  

What I DO fear is not taking advantage of what I have.  I worry that I let moments slip by without fully loving them and appreciating them.


I have lots of examples in my own life of people being taken too early.  Lives and relationships now only available in my memories.  But those people had an impact on me.  I still think of them and rely on what I learned from them.  I love and cherish what they gave me - pieces of them that are now pieces of me.  And, even though they are gone, and I would give anything to have them back, their legacy was how much I loved them for being such amazing people.  Their legacy is in what they shared and how much they are missed.  So, I just want to live a life that makes an impact enough that my legacy is that I am loved and missed when it’s my time to go on.

That being said, I believe that this life is just a small, very small part of me and the being I am in this universe.  I know it is so much bigger than this.  I don’t understand it...but I know it.  It’s just part of so much more.


So how do I gauge my success in this existence?  Success in this life to me is defined as moments of happiness, joy, laughter, calm, contentment, pleasure...big or small...EVERY MOMENT IS A SUCCESS for me.

SOME SUCCESSFUL LIFE MOMENTS for AUTUMN BOYET STINTON 








(This thought-process is dedicated to my friend Donna Henry and the beautiful person that she is and the love and beauty that she brings to this world!)

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