A New Years Wish: #RadiateKindness in 2022

Here we are…on the cusp of a New Year.  (ß Notice no exclamation point.)  2022 is on the doorstep, ready to dawn a new year…and I have feelings.  Big feelings.  Mucky feelings.  “Soul Mud” if you will. 

2020 was “the year the didn’t happen.”  As for 2021, I am starting to think that it was “the year that we wish didn’t happen.” 

If you know me, you know that I feel that New Years resolutions are ridiculous.  They don’t work for me.  They are just a list of things that I either know I should do better at, or have been conditioned to believe will make me happier.  So I tend to just “reflect” over the past year as a new year gets ready to dawn.  I try to recall the ups and downs, find reasons to be grateful and things to look forward to in the upcoming months. 

There were a lot of events, trips, special memories and opportunities for us to be with our friends and family this past year.  I am very grateful for all those moments and memories.  I treasure each big and small moment, and I am not thick-headed enough to claim that I am not a very fortunate person.  My woes look like a walk in the park compared to the tribulations of humanity in the past 12 months. 

But here’s the thing for me…I look back and I can see with great clarity the experiences that I am grateful for, and yet there is a cloud of angst overhanging it all – an acrid smell that permeates everything. 

A couple months ago, after braving a trip to a local store, I came home and actually googled “Why are people so hateful?!?”  I found all sorts of theories and psychological articles about the things that we all know; people are mean because they are suffering and externalizing their pain; fear of seeming vulnerable makes people want to lash out; low self-esteem can cause people to be rude; mean actions are characteristic of someone with a personality disorder…we’ve heard it all before.  BUT, I came across a recent article about a study completed at Stanford specifically about the current state of our society and the rude, hateful, mean, disrespectful behavior take seems to be rampant in our world today.  (If you’ve had a conversation with me recently, I’ve probably mentioned this a time or two because I really struck me.)

So, about this study…there were a couple things that really hit home with me: 

1.            YES!  People have forgotten their manners.  Out manners are learned behavior and access a specific part of our brains that, without use, will simply forget.  As a result of being in our homes and having little reason to worry about anyone but ourselves and our needs, in 2020 and most of 2021, we have simply forgotten our manners. 

2.             The flight or fight response is alive and well.  But apparently, we are stuck in FIGHT mode.  Our ingrained self-preservation skills worked like they were supposed to work.  We encountered a very stressful incident that we had no control over and our instinct kicked in and suggested we either fight of get away.  COVID didn’t really give us the option to “get away” so we’ve all spent the past, going on 2 years, fighting.  Our bodies have been pumping cortisol and adrenaline into our systems for months on end.  That isn’t the way that it is supposed to work.  It’s meant as a short-term solution, not a new “fix.”  As a result, we are all feeling amped up, out of control and severely emotionally fatigued.

3.             Our society is severely lacking kindness.  The doctor that wrote the article said that one of the biggest flaws that we’ve just accepted as normal is telling (specifically our children) “I just want you to be happy.” He said that this simple statement, while well-intentioned, is adversely affecting our society in a way that may not be reversable if we don’t quickly adapt and change.  He said that what we should be saying is, “I just want you to be kind.”  Kindness is VITAL to our peaceful existence in a society.  And, what’s more, kindness – given and received – will ultimately result in happiness on a much larger and more profound scale. 

I’ve been sitting with these things for a couple months and the really do ring true to me. 

Like many people, I feel the weight of anger, hatred, sadness and frustration that seem to have become a given in our world of late.  I feel the ugliness of that every day.  I watch displays of disrespect and people lashing out everywhere for seemingly no reason.  I get frustrated with the lack of concern for other humans and creatures alike.  I deal with forgotten driving skills that seems to be an epidemic of its own.  I see the self-absorption everywhere I turn. I feel the disconnect in places that used to feel like safe places.  My work life is off kilter.  My personal life is feeling brittle and stressed.  Communication seems fragile at best – if it exists at all.  ((sigh)).

I know that others feel it too.  I am not alone.  And for once, I am not finding solace in knowing this fact.  But, where am I going with all this rambling?  To be honest, it’s pretty therapeutic to be spewing this out and releasing it from mind.  But more than that, there is a reason for this in conjunction to my thoughts on this New Year’s Eve. 

I was sitting earlier this afternoon contemplating my world.  I was thinking of the battles that many of my loved ones are facing, enduring and courageously forging their way through.  The realization for me was that my problems, stresses, hurts, worries and issues couple be worse.  But what does that mean? 

For me, that means that I need to proceed into the new year with compassion.  I need to be accepting and compassionate with myself and the feelings that I have – my reality.  I also need to look past my frustrations with others who, as the good doctor in that article I read pointed out, have simply forgotten their manners and realize that people may look at me and think the same thing.  I need to work on my manners, my people skills, my compassion, my love….MY KINDNESS. 

As 2021 slowly ends, (GO AWAY ALREADY, DAMN IT!), I am resolute in entering the new year focused on KINDNESS.  I will focus on being kind and reducing my moments of depression and negative emotions.  I will infuse kindness into my relationships and my efforts.  I will focus on putting out and focusing on positive vibrations in the world.  I will strive to be more kind to myself, my husband, my pets, my family, my friends, my co-workers, my neighbors, my fellow humankind…

This is my wish for 2022… BE KIND!  More so that ever before.  Find your humanity and cling to it.  Soft-heartedness, politeness, good manners and behavior, kindness and affection towards others are things which add to the beauty of life. It makes life easy and comfortable for all humans AND alleviates many of our own individual problems.  It seems to me that kindness is the balm that we desperately need in this world right now.

It can seem overwhelming and as if our individual acts of kindness won’t matter in the big picture…BUT THAT ISN’T TRUE!  Did you know that scientists have done studies that show that acts of kindness are healthy and beneficial for you and others around you??  Seriously…one small act of kindness creates emotional warmth, which releases a hormone known as oxytocin. Oxytocin causes the release of a chemical called nitric oxide, which dilates the blood vessels.

And, kindness is contagious.  If you act kindly, someone who sees you may have the same chemical release of oxytocin and may be inspired to act in a similar way themselves. So doing acts of kindness can inspire and motivate others to do the same and thus life can become lovely for all people!

So, I’m asking you to find a way to BE KIND in 2022.  I’m not saying you have to donate money or time to a charity – unless you are so inclined and then I say, DO IT!  It might just be overlooking someone’s outburst or sending a card to someone so they know you are thinking about them.  Heck, it could just be a post it on the bathroom mirror for your partner to see.  Or maybe just admitting you were wrong when you act in some thoughtless human way.  Kindness bridges all languages, cultures, races, ages and species.  Just a little kindness. 

As Desmond Tutu said, “Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.”

My Wish For You... #RadiateKindess in 2022!!!