SOUL MUD: Random Ramblings of my 24/7 Brain

 At one time or another, I would venture that we’ve all been in the uncomfortable position of being the unknown/new person in a group of established friends.  It can be awkward and uncomfortable.  And that is exactly where I was – in the middle of my own personal introvert-hell amongst a loud and boisterous group of people I didn’t know – when I gracelessly tripped into the middle of Mike’s world in Keystone, CO.  With an easy smile, he conveyed welcome, calm, friendliness and comfort.  My tortured introvert soul immediately identified him as a safe harbor.  My recollection of that evening centers around settling in next to Mike, playing cards and engaging in easy banter. A short time later, we traveled to Arizona to attend an ASU game.  Having mentioned that we were going to be in town, Mike invited us to stop by his tailgate party.  To me, it seemed to be an obligatory invitation, but we decided to briefly stop to say hello.  As we wa...

 This is a season of growth for me.   For the most part, I try to treat people how I want to be treated.  As is typical, my actions are a display of my expectations.   But beyond that I'm realizing my modus operandi is kind of a "bank-my-favors" kind of system.   I try to give freely, accept challenges, let others have their way, support without limits and cheerfully be a yes-person as often as possible.  BUT, the catch is...when I stumble, when I fall (as I know I will), when I want my way here and there, I expect my previous actions to be considered and I expect the "favor" to swing my way.   This often sets me up for big disappointment.  I find that the abrupt change, when I do stand strong on something, is rarely accepted as it may seem "out of character" or "not like me" ...and the resistance of accepting me and all my parts is disheartening.   I'm not claiming anything other than the self-awareness that this is how I am... and it hu...