A Season of Growth


 This is a season of growth for me.  

For the most part, I try to treat people how I want to be treated.  As is typical, my actions are a display of my expectations.  

But beyond that I'm realizing my modus operandi is kind of a "bank-my-favors" kind of system.  

I try to give freely, accept challenges, let others have their way, support without limits and cheerfully be a yes-person as often as possible.  BUT, the catch is...when I stumble, when I fall (as I know I will), when I want my way here and there, I expect my previous actions to be considered and I expect the "favor" to swing my way.  

This often sets me up for big disappointment.  I find that the abrupt change, when I do stand strong on something, is rarely accepted as it may seem "out of character" or "not like me" ...and the resistance of accepting me and all my parts is disheartening.  

I'm not claiming anything other than the self-awareness that this is how I am... and it hurts when I am not understood or respected enough to avoid others guilt-tripping me back into the space they've put me in.  

These words of Maya Angelou have given me strength:  “When people show you who they are believe them."




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