What is this feeling? Oh…It’s Grief!

The past 48 hours have been traumatic and emotionally challenging to say the least.  The election has left my head thick and I have a feeling, a weight that I’ve been unable to identify and it is unsettling.  I understand that the democratic system that is in place in the country that I love has elected a President.  I cherish the freedoms I have to express my thoughts and opinion and therefore I respect that there are opinion that differ from mine and I understand that these differences are what make us great.  But there is a lingering weight that continues to bears down on me and I have been uncertain how to identify exactly what it is and therefore, I have been at a loss as to how to deal with it. 

 But, this morning, it hit me.  I am grief stricken.  I am grieving - mourning a loss. 

 I can only speak for myself here, and as much as I would like to offer an explanation for and defend others whom I assume may be feeling the same way, I will refrain from doing so and ask that you realize this is the way “I” feel.   

 I will start here because it speaks to my grief on a couple levels:

 Last night we attended a funeral of our friend’s 15 year old son who took with own life.  His parents were unsuspecting and shocked as they didn’t know of his anguish.  Joshua felt like an outsider, different and the assumption that it was too much for this young man to bear not being accepted is simply heart-breaking.  We mourn with our friends who lost their child and the community that faces the challenge of working to realign the young minds as well as the adults in their thinking that no one should be shunned, persecuted or be an outsider because of their individuality. 

 As we were leaving the funeral, feeling the full weight and sadness of this tragedy, I received an unsolicited email from a friend and neighbor that could be defined as none other than a vicious attack.  This message couldn’t have come at a worse time.  It was a hateful, aggressive and rude politically charged attack that was mean to cut and gloat.  Despite respectfully replying that I could and would engage as we were laying to rest a friend, the barrage continued and actually became a personal attack, calling into question my very morals, ethics and individuality.  There was no empathy for the emotional upheaval and sorrow we were working through, only mean, vicious, hateful words.  I will reiterate that this was completely unsolicited and in all manners an attempt to bully and belittle me, my beliefs and the moral fabric that makes me who I am. 

For the record, this manner of interaction is simply beyond me.  I do not understand intentional cruelty, intolerance or the attitude of superiority that any human displays as a result of thinking they are better than anyone else.  But how does this correspond to what I am feeling about this election and the state of society? 

It relates in that this attitude of intolerance, aggression, cruelty and selfishness have morphed from closeted bad manners that people have been required to restrain, to an acceptable and approved way to interact in our society without consequence.   

This attitude of I was getting lost in my concern and my opinions about things – the things that I care about like our environment, our economy, respect, etc.  However, it is actually more clear cut than I realized when I list the specifics:

It isn’t about blue or red.  It isn’t pantsuits vs. comb-overs.  It isn’t deciding if lying about email or vulgar language and admitted disrespect is worse.  It isn’t about Republican or Democratic.  It isn’t about winning or losing a debate.  It isn’t about winning or losing the election itself.  It isn’t about the economy.  It isn’t about the opinions and respect of foreign nations.  It isn’t about my political concerns or fears. 

My sadness and mourning is about now clearly understanding some distressing differences.  It is about two very different ways of seeing the world and people around me.   It is about looking some frightening realizations in the eye and knowing that they very real and not ok with me.  I can break it down to a simple list.

I believe in love

I believe in acceptance
I believe in diversity
I believe in kindness
I believe in tolerance of differences
I believe in fair trade
I believe in freedom
I believe in justice
I believe in respect
I believe in fairness
I believe in forgiveness
I believe in honesty
I believe in community
I believe in growth
I believe in good

As I list the things that I personally strive to use as a guide to living my life, I can counter the above with recent, admitted examples of exclusion, bullying and attacks based on gender, sexual orientation, religion, skin color, differences, economic status and disabilities. 

This isn’t about a difference of opinion when it comes to politics.  This isn’t me throwing a fit about a candidate not winning. 

This state of mourning and sadness that I feel is about the gut-wrenching realization that at least half of my country, half of my friends, neighbors, family, community members, co-workers – people that I live close to, engage with and have respect for - have validated and declared that hate, bullying, discrimination, disrespect, bigotry, racism and intolerance is ok, and in fact, American. 

This is not only heart-breaking to me, as I can no longer blithely assume that there is good in all people, (because these things are far from qualities that define a person of character), but more so the very comfort of feeling safe in my community is jeopardized as this demagogue was voted for and accepted. 

And so, I grieve - I mourn. 

I mourn the loss of  grace, logic, kindness, empathy, manners, civilized interaction, respect, honesty, good, diversity, acceptance, community, tolerance, justice, fairness, forgiveness, love…And most of all, I mourn my safe naivety toward those who make up the society I live in and the peace I have sacrificed in this knowledge. 

 

But this is only one step in the process....