Being a Woman & the "Girl-Code" (July 19, 2017)

As women, we understand from an early age that there are certain things, unspoken rules if you will, that we must abide by in the sisterhood of femininity we are born into. 

These guidelines are passed from generation to generation making us stronger, better women.  It makes sense to me that there are variations of ideals that are passed down based on the culture that you are born into.  However, the basics remain the same.  

 

The woman code celebrates the power of women and leads generation after generation in pursuit of confidence, equality, strength, femininity, love, fulfilment, passion and success.

 

I’ve always found this unspoken bond reassuring.  More than just my mother, my aunts, my cousins, my friends and my colleagues, I’ve felt the reassurance of this bond with acquaintances and even strangers.   But, I have also instinctually felt unease in the presence of women who don’t adhere to the code.  At this point in my life, I can look at the relationships and lessons that have been part of my journey and, with a clear conscience, release myself from any obligatory effort to waste my time and energy on any such individuals. 

 
It does not however, mean that I am any less shocked when I discover betrayal from another woman.  The word, betrayal, is intense.  Think about it for a second. 

BETRAY – verb - 1. To expose (one's country, a group, or a person) to danger by treacherously giving information to an enemy. 

 
It seems to me that we’ve come to a point in our society that consideration of others is not simply a low priority, but completely non-existent.  At my mom’s beckoning, I spent a lot of time in my childhood thinking about how I would feel if someone did, this or that to me.  As the oldest child, I was taught the joy and satisfaction of putting others before myself.  I learned that what I give, I receive; and, that my actions and words have ripple effects in not only my life, but the lives of others. 
 

I’ve been thinking about all this for a couple weeks.  Trying to work my mind around an interaction with a female friend that I respect and love that left me feeling betrayed.  The interaction itself was short and via text messages.  However, within a couple minutes and as the result of a few sharp words, I found that I was left feeling trashy, ignorant and shamed.  I actually recall flinching as I read the words on my screen.  I felt myself withdrawal was quick to wrap up the communication.  I was like a wounded animal.  I took my lashing and retreated.  It wasn’t until almost 3 days later that I stopped to examine my feelings and lick my emotional wounds.  I re-read the text chain and tried to objectively contemplate the words said.  I discovered that I was more than hurt.  I felt betrayed by my friend who, (while probably unknowingly) had wounded me.  Her thoughtless words had cut deep and then had a ripple effect into my everyday life and my psyche for over 3 days.   

 Ultimately the details of the exchange aren’t worthy of detailing here, and as I mentioned, I don’t even think that she was knowingly trying to hurt me.  But there is a bigger message here.  As I’ve been processing this, a bigger travesty has come to light for me.  There are outside influences that wage war on us. 

 
Life is difficult and presents many challenges that wear on us.  That is the name of the game.  But right now, we are living in a time that is even more challenging.  As a result of the political climate of our country right now, we are seeing some ugly truths more clearly.  Many people who have prowled the shadows and under-belly of our societal growth have seen their window, sneered and stepped into the light of day with their hate and self-centered tendencies.  We face a daily onslaught of corrupt, bigoted, prejudice, egotistical, inappropriate, hateful, deceptive behaviors from the highest position in our land.  Left unchecked and without consequence, this behavior is bolstering that same behavior in our communities and on a larger scale.  It is becoming more and more common and as a result, we are becoming more and more tolerant of this behavior.  We are being betrayed by our friends and neighbors.  We are being conditioned to take the attack and simply retreat and lick our wounds in private.  And this my friends, is the biggest betrayal of all.  We are betraying ourselves by not holding ourselves to a higher standard.

 But how does this really apply to the girl-code I talked about previously?

 
Women face an onslaught of challenges from the world around us on a daily basis - simply for having two X chromosomes.  Those attacks present problems and stress that we can’t avoid if we are to continue and strive to reach our potential and be happy in our lives.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not asking for special treatment from the world in general.  I will make my way and I will succeed in pursuing my happiness. 

What I am asking for is that every woman out there, stop and consider the women in your life.  Lace compassion into your words and actions.  Vow to act and speak in a way that supports and lifts other women.  Don’t be the reason or person that another woman has to flinch and retreat from.  You don’t have to tear another woman down to get up.  Give what you want to receive.  Champion other women and their goals, ideals, successes.  You don’t have to agree with how someone lives their life or the choices they make, but if you adhere to the girl-code, to will find a way to support other women for their unique individuality and strengths. 

Be confident.  Be strong.  Be kind.  Be compassionate.  Be independent.  Be intelligent.  Be trust-worthy.  Be resilient.  Be loving.  Be feminine.  Be engaging.  Be brave.  Be beautiful.  Be reliable.  Be brilliant.  Be supportive.  Be passionate.  Be powerful.  Be creative.  Be courageous.  Be devoted.  Be peaceful.  Be gracious.  Be amazing.  Be yourself.  Be bold.    Be true to the girl-code, lifting others up with you in your success, and…BE A WOMAN!