Communing With Nature - An Indulgence (3/8/2018)

A couple seasons ago, (September 19^th, 2015 to be exact), I experienced a communing with nature amidst an aspen grove in the Indian Peaks Wilderness of north central Colorado that changed me. 

That experience resides in my cognizance and seems to have embedded into my consciousness.  I find that I toss the anamnesis of the moment around my awareness frequently.  My retrospection is sometimes intentional and guided by intent.  Other times, it is more of a shadow reminiscence that seeps into my dreams and subconscious.  Regardless of how, it is evident that I was and still am affected. 

I find at times, my mind lulls and enjoys savoring the recollection as one would savor a decadent treat.  It is fleeting mind-candy that I can almost feel spark in my soul and bubble effervescently on my skin. 

To recall is to indulge…

Maybe the ambient conditions were perfectly in line with the energy of the universe.  Maybe my attempts to restructure and learn who I was over the past few months had aligned my psyche with my élan vital.  Or maybe, as is most likely the case, I not-so-gracefully, stumbled across and fell into the perfect circumstance.  No matter what the reason, it was a gift. 

As I rode along a mountain trail I remember having the overpowering desire to stop and sit at a particular spot near a grove of aspen quaking in a gentle breeze.  As I set my feet on the ground, I felt as though there was a shift and a slight tremble that made me feel unsteady for a split second before I embraced the need to sit on and touch the ground below me. 

I instantly felt connected to the earth on which I sat.  Hummm…that isn’t exactly correct.  I felt as though I was part of the earth.  The sensation that followed was powerful, disorienting, overwhelming and beautiful.  I clearly remember feeling as though I was suddenly rolled by a wave of light, air and energy that made me feel disoriented and unbalanced.  I felt plugged in and connected, yet weightless and free.  In what left like a second and an eternity all rolled into one, my breath became aligned to the rhythmic breathing of the earth.  My breath was the life force of the mountains, the trees and the very earth on which I was sitting.  For one glorious second, I surfed the surge of color, energy, sound and quiet.  I was the trees.  I was the mountains.  I was the earth.  I was the air.  I was the light.  I was and I wasn’t…and it was glorious.   

It was glorious until I became all too human and reached out to grasp it.  And then it was gone. 

The memory is as ephemeral as the experience itself.  An attempt to fully focus and realize the moment, the experience, the feeling, only muddies it and pushes it further into the blurry washes of my peripheral.  It waits there for me to find my way to the space in which I become unencumbered.  The space that is, but isn’t.  The space in which I have completely let go and therefore find I am whole.

It often strikes me that something so evanescent could have been so potent, causing long-lasting effects in me.  And as much as I desperately want to re-create the experience, I know that I cannot.  I cannot create what already is.  I cannot control that which is uncontrollable.  But, I can proceed with mindfulness and strive to learn, grow and connect in hopes that I am fortunate enough to once again experience communing with nature. 

 

(Doug took this picture of me just before I crawled off my ATV and had this experience.)