All The Little (Shattered) Pieces - (October 2018)
(My Personal Fallout from the Drama That Was the Nomination, Hearing and Confirmation Brett M. Kavanaugh - October, 2018)
Life is a large collection of instances, events, choices and moments; fragments of a whole...a whole life.
Each little piece, whether whole, cracked, broken or shattered, individually reflects or refracts - yet makes up the larger whole.
My life, the way I live, my goals, and who I am are a result of all my collected experiences. Individually, they don't define me yet they collectively play a role and contribute to the person that I am today.
To respect me as an individual, is to respect my collection of individual experiences for they are my truth and they belong to me alone. And, furthermore, respecting each other is paramount while living within any society. Without respect, there is but chaos.
The past week has been an intense emotional rollercoaster for me. It has taken me a few weeks to work out my feelings and thoughts about recent events as they relate to me and the person that I am today. The toll has been pricey. I've felt emotionally drained and physically ill. But with some reflection, I am processing.
I learned a long time ago that life isn't fair and expecting what seemed to be logical fair treatment was naïve. And while most every child learns this lesson (or something similar) early in their development, I also became conditioned to another set of truths. These weren't the typical "life lessons" or "learning experiences" that were discussed or taught in general to all youth. These hidden lessons were learned from a lurking undertow in our society, but they stuck with me non-the-less and affected who I was - who I am today.
I am talking about being born into and living in this world with an X chromosome.
With a logical eye, I don't want to believe the view of the world would be starkly different because of gender. Yes, strengths, weaknesses, differences and characteristics define and differentiate between genders, but not in ways that should make one or the other feel belittled, unheard, mocked or of lesser value and/or importance.
What I'm coming to realize is that equality in the sense of one woman is like a snowflake - sparkling, unique...and yes, fragile. But I've also always believed that in combined efforts - that one woman, that one beautiful snowflake - becomes an avalanche of power when forced into motion all together.
But the truth of the matter is this - the kryptonite for the X chromosome is the blazing fiery condemnation and blaze that can be the Y chromosome when a man wields his power by demeaning, sexualizing or belittling a woman. The heat of one attack and the repercussions are far-reaching. Imagine if you will using a blow torch to melt a snow flake in your direct line of vision. Yes, it clears that flake, but it also needlessly incinerates everything around it. (I can't help it...I like this metaphor!)
But metaphors aside, what I'm struck by is how fragile the progress women have made is even today. Worse yet, I simply don't understand how any self-respecting woman can see fit to tolerate remarks that bash and belittle women from anyone, let alone those in positions of power - whether that be an employer, an entertainer, a journalist, an elected official or the President of the United States. IT IS NOT OK. It is verbal abuse.
I can't get certain words, statements and abuses out of my head. They plague me.
"Sexual assaults in the military - What did these geniuses expect when they put men & women together?"
"A person who is very flat-chested is very hard to be a 10."
"Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that?"
"There has to be some form of punishment" - (for the woman regarding abortion)
"If she weren’t my daughter, I would be dating her."
"Victories by the women, to a very large extent, are dependent on their sex appeal."
"Blood coming out of her wherever."
"Grab them by the pussy."
(In case you are unaware, there are too many instances to even begin list here - instances that should make your stomach turn and your eye well with tears at the demented, sexist, misogynistic, offensive nature of their intent.)
...And this list, from the man that holds the elite position of power as President of the United States, goes on and on. There is no denying them. This abuse is by his own key-strokes in tweets, penned by his own hand to paper and published, spoken and recorded by his own mouth in interviews and in front of citizens who here this abuse and are desensitized to the simple fact that they are cheering abuse and applauding comments that degrade other human beings. I don't understand. I simply can't fathom the rationale. There is no gray here, there is right and wrong, and this abuse, spewed thoughtlessly, empowers those with mal-intent, it draws out the abhorrent side of human nature and without specifically condemning this behavior from the President himself, people are emboldened to act the fool and embrace these tendencies that define them members of the dregs of humanity who knowingly abuse others.
Let's talk about abuse for a moment. This is from an article written by Seth Myers, Psy.D.:
"Allowing for any circumstances in which abuse is okay is a serious problem that threatens your own emotional stability, as well as the stability of your relationships. Should you ever find yourself being abused, you have a major problem and may be beyond repair, Violence and abuse is one of the ugliest colors of human nature, and engaging in that kind of behavior often begets further abuse."
In the same article, he goes on to say:
"If you ask anyone who's ever been violent toward another person — as I've asked many clients over the years — what it feels like, you'll hear that abusing someone provides a powerful dose of immediate gratification for all the rageful, pent-up feelings. This kind of gratification is hard to get over, making the abuser more likely to do it again. Beyond the obvious reason that abusing someone is wrong and immoral, you shouldn't abuse others because you don't want to open the door to indulging a highly destructive catharsis that hurts everyone in its path.”
These statement apply to so many things in our society, government and world right now. In this moment, as the world around us weebles and wobbles and spins out of control, I can't help but wonder if we are becoming abuse addicts. Are we addicted to the rush and the catharsis that comes from wielding power and abusing others with our words and actions? Are we so self-centered that we have become unaware of the monsters we've become - Monsters with ferocious appetites to consume all by any means necessary, chasing a fleeting rush of power in a blood-thirsty rant for the ultimate rush that never comes because we destroy and consume even ourselves in the quest? Who are we? Where are we going? What is driving this movement of insanity?
I am sickened daily at the thought of what we have lost. I am horrified to think what events of late are saying to young women in our country and around the world. I cringe in fear when I think of the damage that is being done that we are allowing....yes...ALLOWING to happen. We are no better than the mother who knows her child is being abused, but does nothing to stop the abuse and protect the innocent.
It all sucks. It all weighs on my heart and my soul. But, I didn't even start writing with the intention of going down this particular path, and yet here I am - (((head in my hands))) - but I have digressed from my original point.
I want to put out into the universe a moment of honor for Christine Blassey Ford. Despite what was an obvious understanding of what stepping up could mean for her, she bravely did step up and knowingly put herself in the hot seat in the direct line of fire for all women. She gracefully (and very publicly) shouldered the weight of her personal trauma and that of millions upon millions of women who have been victimized by men and our society for no other reason than the fortune of having an X chromosome. I hope she knows that she did not bare that weight alone, but that women everywhere were with her in spirit. Her grace in bringing to light her experience shone a bright light on the disgraceful dregs, the wolves in sheep's clothing that are men like Brett Kavanaugh. Oh, and in case you were wondering:
No. Not everyone drinks until they lose portions of their memory or black out.
No. Not everyone did those types of things in high school.
No. Not everyone indulges or dabbles in drug.
No. Not everyone loses their cool and aggressively attacks people verbally or physically.
No. People don't make up stories like this for attention.
No. You don't have any idea, (unless you have survived) what it feels like to have been this type of victim.
No. There is no guilt to be assigned to the victim.
...But sadly,
Yes. The victim, despite knowing better at their core, they do question their role and responsibility in the event that left them victimized.
Yes. They carry that weight with them always, afraid of being mocked.
Yes. They do know that chances are no one will believe them even if they do come forward.
Yes. It does always hurt.
Yes. If will always effect your life.
Yes. This narrative needs to change!
Yes. #metoo
Life is a large collection of instances, events, choices and moments; fragments of a whole...a whole life.
Each little piece, whether whole, cracked, broken or shattered, individually reflects or refracts - yet makes up the larger whole.
My life, the way I live, my goals, and who I am are a result of all my collected experiences. Individually, they don't define me yet they collectively play a role and contribute to the person that I am today.
To respect me as an individual, is to respect my collection of individual experiences for they are my truth and they belong to me alone. And, furthermore, respecting each other is paramount while living within any society. Without respect, there is but chaos.
The past week has been an intense emotional rollercoaster for me. It has taken me a few weeks to work out my feelings and thoughts about recent events as they relate to me and the person that I am today. The toll has been pricey. I've felt emotionally drained and physically ill. But with some reflection, I am processing.
I learned a long time ago that life isn't fair and expecting what seemed to be logical fair treatment was naïve. And while most every child learns this lesson (or something similar) early in their development, I also became conditioned to another set of truths. These weren't the typical "life lessons" or "learning experiences" that were discussed or taught in general to all youth. These hidden lessons were learned from a lurking undertow in our society, but they stuck with me non-the-less and affected who I was - who I am today.
I am talking about being born into and living in this world with an X chromosome.
With a logical eye, I don't want to believe the view of the world would be starkly different because of gender. Yes, strengths, weaknesses, differences and characteristics define and differentiate between genders, but not in ways that should make one or the other feel belittled, unheard, mocked or of lesser value and/or importance.
What I'm coming to realize is that equality in the sense of one woman is like a snowflake - sparkling, unique...and yes, fragile. But I've also always believed that in combined efforts - that one woman, that one beautiful snowflake - becomes an avalanche of power when forced into motion all together.
But the truth of the matter is this - the kryptonite for the X chromosome is the blazing fiery condemnation and blaze that can be the Y chromosome when a man wields his power by demeaning, sexualizing or belittling a woman. The heat of one attack and the repercussions are far-reaching. Imagine if you will using a blow torch to melt a snow flake in your direct line of vision. Yes, it clears that flake, but it also needlessly incinerates everything around it. (I can't help it...I like this metaphor!)
But metaphors aside, what I'm struck by is how fragile the progress women have made is even today. Worse yet, I simply don't understand how any self-respecting woman can see fit to tolerate remarks that bash and belittle women from anyone, let alone those in positions of power - whether that be an employer, an entertainer, a journalist, an elected official or the President of the United States. IT IS NOT OK. It is verbal abuse.
I can't get certain words, statements and abuses out of my head. They plague me.
"Sexual assaults in the military - What did these geniuses expect when they put men & women together?"
"A person who is very flat-chested is very hard to be a 10."
"Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that?"
"There has to be some form of punishment" - (for the woman regarding abortion)
"If she weren’t my daughter, I would be dating her."
"Victories by the women, to a very large extent, are dependent on their sex appeal."
"Blood coming out of her wherever."
"Grab them by the pussy."
(In case you are unaware, there are too many instances to even begin list here - instances that should make your stomach turn and your eye well with tears at the demented, sexist, misogynistic, offensive nature of their intent.)
...And this list, from the man that holds the elite position of power as President of the United States, goes on and on. There is no denying them. This abuse is by his own key-strokes in tweets, penned by his own hand to paper and published, spoken and recorded by his own mouth in interviews and in front of citizens who here this abuse and are desensitized to the simple fact that they are cheering abuse and applauding comments that degrade other human beings. I don't understand. I simply can't fathom the rationale. There is no gray here, there is right and wrong, and this abuse, spewed thoughtlessly, empowers those with mal-intent, it draws out the abhorrent side of human nature and without specifically condemning this behavior from the President himself, people are emboldened to act the fool and embrace these tendencies that define them members of the dregs of humanity who knowingly abuse others.
Let's talk about abuse for a moment. This is from an article written by Seth Myers, Psy.D.:
"Allowing for any circumstances in which abuse is okay is a serious problem that threatens your own emotional stability, as well as the stability of your relationships. Should you ever find yourself being abused, you have a major problem and may be beyond repair, Violence and abuse is one of the ugliest colors of human nature, and engaging in that kind of behavior often begets further abuse."
In the same article, he goes on to say:
"If you ask anyone who's ever been violent toward another person — as I've asked many clients over the years — what it feels like, you'll hear that abusing someone provides a powerful dose of immediate gratification for all the rageful, pent-up feelings. This kind of gratification is hard to get over, making the abuser more likely to do it again. Beyond the obvious reason that abusing someone is wrong and immoral, you shouldn't abuse others because you don't want to open the door to indulging a highly destructive catharsis that hurts everyone in its path.”
These statement apply to so many things in our society, government and world right now. In this moment, as the world around us weebles and wobbles and spins out of control, I can't help but wonder if we are becoming abuse addicts. Are we addicted to the rush and the catharsis that comes from wielding power and abusing others with our words and actions? Are we so self-centered that we have become unaware of the monsters we've become - Monsters with ferocious appetites to consume all by any means necessary, chasing a fleeting rush of power in a blood-thirsty rant for the ultimate rush that never comes because we destroy and consume even ourselves in the quest? Who are we? Where are we going? What is driving this movement of insanity?
I am sickened daily at the thought of what we have lost. I am horrified to think what events of late are saying to young women in our country and around the world. I cringe in fear when I think of the damage that is being done that we are allowing....yes...ALLOWING to happen. We are no better than the mother who knows her child is being abused, but does nothing to stop the abuse and protect the innocent.
It all sucks. It all weighs on my heart and my soul. But, I didn't even start writing with the intention of going down this particular path, and yet here I am - (((head in my hands))) - but I have digressed from my original point.
I want to put out into the universe a moment of honor for Christine Blassey Ford. Despite what was an obvious understanding of what stepping up could mean for her, she bravely did step up and knowingly put herself in the hot seat in the direct line of fire for all women. She gracefully (and very publicly) shouldered the weight of her personal trauma and that of millions upon millions of women who have been victimized by men and our society for no other reason than the fortune of having an X chromosome. I hope she knows that she did not bare that weight alone, but that women everywhere were with her in spirit. Her grace in bringing to light her experience shone a bright light on the disgraceful dregs, the wolves in sheep's clothing that are men like Brett Kavanaugh. Oh, and in case you were wondering:
No. Not everyone drinks until they lose portions of their memory or black out.
No. Not everyone did those types of things in high school.
No. Not everyone indulges or dabbles in drug.
No. Not everyone loses their cool and aggressively attacks people verbally or physically.
No. People don't make up stories like this for attention.
No. You don't have any idea, (unless you have survived) what it feels like to have been this type of victim.
No. There is no guilt to be assigned to the victim.
...But sadly,
Yes. The victim, despite knowing better at their core, they do question their role and responsibility in the event that left them victimized.
Yes. They carry that weight with them always, afraid of being mocked.
Yes. They do know that chances are no one will believe them even if they do come forward.
Yes. It does always hurt.
Yes. If will always effect your life.
Yes. This narrative needs to change!
Yes. #metoo
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