A Great Sadness & A Poem: Suicide Fringe (4/30/2019)
I want to understand things. In reality, my desire to understand is very selfish and self-serving. Understanding enables me to find a path to acceptance - a place that I can self-soothe and restore balance to a tilted world.
Unfortunately, it seems that the things I most desperately need to understand are the very things that escape me. How annoying is that?!?
It doesn't however mean that I don't toil away, continuing to look for reasons so I can understand that which evades me. Thoughts sit in the recesses of my mind - seeds - waiting to be planted and sown, preserved and stored or defined as weeds and thrown out.
I have found that my thoughts of late linger on those lost to this world by means of suicide. This means of escape from our world seems to be more prevalent than ever.
Suicide is a great sadness. I feel the sadness as more than just the very evident sharp pang felt at the loss of a precious life. It is a tragic testament to the sad state of our sick and decaying society of humanity and the very simple idea that some simply cannot tolerate what we are weak enough to allow. That too is a very real sadness that seeps to the very core of who we are as humans. It is a dark and dank sadness - an actual disease - that festers cruelty, hatred and inhumane actions.
As I was driving to work today, I was thinking about some who have walked across my path in this life but later left this world by means of their own hand. What strikes me over and over is that I felt, or in some cases, genuinely knew parts of them to be true, strong, loving and pure - this being in stark contrast to the way that they may often be portrayed as fragile, weak, distraught and broken. It is difficult for me to reconcile those two opposing pictures in my mind. Simply put, I don't understand. And as I mentioned, that doesn't work well for me.
I'm finding that my thoughts are very circular and I am having trouble sorting out or finding an anchor on which to fully develop a line of thought when it comes to suicide. Yes - it causes great suffering. Yes - we've all heard it referred to a soulless act. Yes - it is easy to see it as a result weakness or deteriorated mental health. BUT....I wonder.....
I don't intend to justify nor condemn the actions of others. But, I can't help but wonder about the way we perceive suicide. As humans, we have a tendency to demonize what we don't understand. Like me, we want to understand. We want reasons that resonate and allow us to place blame. But what if we are incapable of understanding? What if it is us (humanity as a whole) who are broken and terrorizing the more perfect beings into a need to leave? What if by tolerating this corrupt environment, we are in fact the ones who are lost and sick?
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SUICIDE FRINGE
By Autumn Boyet-Stinton (4/30/2019)
Remember them yet judge them not so you are neither judged nor set up to misconstrue
The bigger reasons that they left this world, may not be for me nor you.
Unfortunately, it seems that the things I most desperately need to understand are the very things that escape me. How annoying is that?!?
It doesn't however mean that I don't toil away, continuing to look for reasons so I can understand that which evades me. Thoughts sit in the recesses of my mind - seeds - waiting to be planted and sown, preserved and stored or defined as weeds and thrown out.
I have found that my thoughts of late linger on those lost to this world by means of suicide. This means of escape from our world seems to be more prevalent than ever.
Suicide is a great sadness. I feel the sadness as more than just the very evident sharp pang felt at the loss of a precious life. It is a tragic testament to the sad state of our sick and decaying society of humanity and the very simple idea that some simply cannot tolerate what we are weak enough to allow. That too is a very real sadness that seeps to the very core of who we are as humans. It is a dark and dank sadness - an actual disease - that festers cruelty, hatred and inhumane actions.
As I was driving to work today, I was thinking about some who have walked across my path in this life but later left this world by means of their own hand. What strikes me over and over is that I felt, or in some cases, genuinely knew parts of them to be true, strong, loving and pure - this being in stark contrast to the way that they may often be portrayed as fragile, weak, distraught and broken. It is difficult for me to reconcile those two opposing pictures in my mind. Simply put, I don't understand. And as I mentioned, that doesn't work well for me.
I'm finding that my thoughts are very circular and I am having trouble sorting out or finding an anchor on which to fully develop a line of thought when it comes to suicide. Yes - it causes great suffering. Yes - we've all heard it referred to a soulless act. Yes - it is easy to see it as a result weakness or deteriorated mental health. BUT....I wonder.....
I don't intend to justify nor condemn the actions of others. But, I can't help but wonder about the way we perceive suicide. As humans, we have a tendency to demonize what we don't understand. Like me, we want to understand. We want reasons that resonate and allow us to place blame. But what if we are incapable of understanding? What if it is us (humanity as a whole) who are broken and terrorizing the more perfect beings into a need to leave? What if by tolerating this corrupt environment, we are in fact the ones who are lost and sick?
******************************************
SUICIDE FRINGE
By Autumn Boyet-Stinton (4/30/2019)
Found submerged in
the imperfection of this existence the advanced soul struggles just to be
Life pains them at
every turn, and a way to cope they just cannot see.
Life’s tragedies and
adversity are felt individually as wicked slashes in the fabric or who they are
And try as they
might to recover and move on, these wounds do more than scar.
From somewhere
beyond what we know and understand, they find themselves floundering here
What we may see as
depression and anxiety, is just sadness, pain and fear.
For these precious
beings see beyond this degraded existence and know what we have yet to learn
While here, they cringe
at our self-imposed destruction, and for peace they yearn.
An unspeakable cruelty
beyond our simplistic comprehension it is to ask or make them stay
We flounder in our
brokenness and do not understand why they must go away.
It isn’t that they’re
weak or selfish, nor is their love for us is lacking in any sense
They are, however,
unable to cower in this life shrouded with any pretense.
The gentle soul
who finds themselves here, paralyzed by cruelty, prejudice, greed and hate
Will only suffer undoubtedly
as their being is crushed beneath this weight.
Why should we be
so brazen so as to call them sick or think that their angst we even begin to know
Our simple souls
have much to learn and countless ways to grow.
Until the time
that we progress and see our way out of the misery that we call normal life
We will continue
to chase away those souls who cannot bear this strife.
And so we mourn
our losses when they choose to leave us for through them we can almost see
The path to being
better humans who choose love and joy, not hate and misery. Remember them yet judge them not so you are neither judged nor set up to misconstrue
The bigger reasons that they left this world, may not be for me nor you.
No disrespect do I
intention nor do I seek these horrific actions to glorify nor condone
This tragedy so
frequent, I reach beyond myself to understand things to me unknown.
Photo Credit: http://weknowyourdreams.com/tear/tear-06.html
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