SOUL MUD: Random Ramblings of my 24/7 Brain

A thing happened.   It has only happened one other time that I can recall.   Last time it was 2015, high up in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado.   I connected to the earth.   I wasn’t trying to do it.   As a matter of fact, I don’t know how I did it.   It was dizzying, disorienting, powerful and fleeting.   Yet, it was one of the most moving and amazing things I’ve ever experienced.   It was an out-of-body experience, but ironically, I’ve never felt more in my body.   For a precious moment I was me - I was the earth I sat upon - I was the trees and the breeze through the leaves - My feet rooted me and my head expanded into the universe – In the time allowed for one intake of breath, I was everything and I was nothing.   Things shifted in me.   It was beyond spiritual.   It was a gift that I treasure    I’ve talked about that experience and the impact of this gift in great length with my guide.   I feel humbled to have had such an experience. However, just this

A promise is a pledge, a vow, an oath, a commitment, a covenant, an agreement, a guarantee, a bond, a declaration or assurance.   And yet, sadly, it seems to me that promises have become of little consequence in our society.   I started writing this way back in August, just after our 13 th wedding anniversary.   I’m not certain as to why I stopped writing, but I stumbled across this half-written thought while contemplating the New Year and what my priorities are and I couldn’t help but breathe new life into this thought process.   I’ve been very thinking a lot about the commitment of marriage.   My mind has wandered over the weddings I’ve been to or been part of in my life.   I’ve contemplated the vows I’ve heard people say to each other and I’ve thought very seriously about the vows I promised to Doug and the vows that he made to me.    I have dissected our relationship and our marriage and thought about what it all means to me.   I can honestly say that I don’t think I fu

1, 2, 3…seconds go fleeting by.                Life stops for nothing, no one. 1, 2, 3…choices I make stack up by the second.                Some mundane, yet others carry weight. 1, 2, 3…each person I meet may intercede.                Friend of foe, their decisions casting change over my life.   1, 2, 3…layers upon layers of decisions collect.                Compressing, setting in stone the story of my life. It is almost unfathomable to consider all the choices that we make in our lives.   Like grains of sand, the vast number of which are incalculable.   Our waking hours are filled with so many choices that nary a one of us really consider the impact that our choices have on our own lives, let alone the lives of others.   Yet, the decisions keep adding up…1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3…every second of the day I make choices – consciously as well as subconsciously.   It is a never-ending compilation of this and that, yes and no, decision making all set to the speed

Desperation does more than simply change us.  It warps us into something unrecognizable to others and most importantly, ourselves.  It is, in fact, a dark abyss that is difficult to remove one's self from.  DESPAIR by Autumn Boyet Stinton Out of the extreme you are born, Catering to the lost, forsaken and forlorn. You devour those in great distress, And laugh at those suffering unyielding duress. You tangle souls in great despair, Of their agony and torment you do not care.   You imprison some in hopelessness, Their heart left feeble from unrelenting stress.   Your power so strong does more than wound,   And your victims to that are not attuned. More than changing you warp and distort, Introducing demoralization as your evil cohort.   You are not satisfied with unhappiness alone, Pleased only when despondency and demoralization are known. Driving one to utter gloom and loss, Gleefully smiling when into darkness one does cross.      You only

When I take a moment and think back, I realize that much of my existence has been plagued with “responsibility” – for as long as I can remember.   When I was young and we went out to eat, I made sure that whatever I ordered was amongst the least expensive options as I wanted to make a responsible choice that wouldn’t burden my parents or our family financially.   When I got a little older it was the responsible thing to babysit or accept other jobs to help make money to buy things so that my parents didn’t have to spend money on the things that I wanted.   In school, it wasn’t acceptable to be anything but responsible – whether it be getting straight A’s or living up to the expectation and responsibility that teachers gave me to be responsible for helping others succeed.   As a teenager, I was expected to be responsible in my actions and was often told that other kid's parents were ok with their kids going places if I was going because I was so “responsible.”   When I