I'm Scared - The Covid-19 Pandemic (3/19/2020)

I’m grouchy.  I’m out of sorts.  I’m pissy.  I’m short tempered.  And, I haven’t been able to get a grip on why exactly.   

Watching TV, I am struck, over and over again, by the messages that are being conveyed by celebrities, entire cities, performers, etc.  The messages are all similar.  Based on the #AllInThisTogether basis – each message reminds us that we are stronger together and we will get thru this COVID-19 pandemic. 

Watching these messages and thoughts last night, the fog in my brain cleared a little and I was able to focus in on what is wrong with me…

I’m scared I am going to die. 

It’s a really weird thing - life right now is a little like sleepwalking into an apocalyptic movie. There is hysteria - that seems to be oddly centered around toilet paper – but hysteria nonetheless.  There are people who believe that it is a conspiracy or political hoax.  There are people who are refusing to comply with social distancing.  There are government officials that are taking initiative to protect our communities.  And then there is our POTUS…I can’t even express in words how I feel about his nonsense.  I find that when I listen to him or read articles of his lechery, I become a salty sailor shouting expletives in a random chain into the atmosphere and wanting to bang my head on the wall.  But…that is a topic for a later time. 

On Thursday, March 12^th, my office sent direction that those who are considered “high-risk” should go home and work from home.  That same day, we were introduced to "Aggressive Social Distancing."

That's a pretty scary phrase.  On that very evening, I took to my personal social media asking friends to be smart.  I begged friends to realize that this isn’t a hoax, a political scam, a conspiracy or a laughing matter.  More, it is becoming evident that it is ignorant to compare this to the flu in general as this is “novel” meaning it was an animal virus (standardly not transmittable to humans) that mutated did not only transfer from animal to human, but then mutated again and became transferable from human to human. 

And now….This is a PANDEMIC.  It is going to get worse before it gets better.  The math on exposure and possible transmission even with social distancing is horrifying.  This is life and death.  This is the lives of partners, family, friends - you and me…

…ME.  This is MY LIFE at risk.  I am in the group of “high risk” humans that could die.  The scary truth of the matter for me is that, even before my recent Cancer battle that leaves me in a high risk zone, my immune system wasn’t working as it should.  If I get a simple cold, I get sicker, for a longer period of time and more severely than the average person.  Worse, I have ling issues that seem to be the catapult that kills in this pandemic as COVID-19 “eats lung tissue.” 

I am frightened.  I am more fearful than I was when I received my Cancer diagnosis.  I feel an odd, heavy, sad resignation that the numbers and odds aren’t with me this time.  I may die.

Thinking about your mortality isn’t easy.  But, thinking about your mortality when you feel the odds are stacked against you shakes you to your core.  And worse, there is something so heart wrenching, so distancing when you see people dismiss the warnings without thinking beyond them-selves or worse yet actually verbalizing things like: “it’s survival of the fittest,” or “Darwinism at its finest,” as if, because I have a weak immune system or because I was unfortunate enough to get diagnosed with Cancer, I am less worthy of living.  However, the fact remains that I don’t want to die. 

         

Do any of us want to be facing this? No. But, here we are. 

Over the weekend, here in Colorado, the Governor closed all the ski resorts, restaurants, bars, and events of more than 10.  As of today, March 19, 2020, The POTUS has asked people to isolate for at least the next 15 days.  The State of California was the first state to institute a “lock down order” (shelter in place) on its citizens.  No doubt, more restrictions are soon to come and quite possibly VITAL to our lives.    

Will you possibly miss out on some things? Yes. Will you have to "parent up" and take care of your children as schools and day cares close? Most likely. Will you need to take time off work? Potentially.  Will you miss a gym workout or two?  Yes.  Will you need to go without highlights in your hair or getting your nails done?  Yes.  Will you possibly have to wipe your ass with something less cushy that TP?  I don’t know…but you assholes who are hording toilet paper should be ashamed of yourselves!   

But friends, will there be other concerts, sporting events and opportunities - if we understand that now isn't the time to selfishly push the limits. Are the lives of your family, children and friends worth it?  I’d like to think that my friends and family would think of me and would without hesitation say that my life was worth the sacrifice of a concert, a hug, a moment or two right now, for the hope that I will have the chance to be part of those things with you when this is over. 

And it will end.  As a society, we will get thru it.  We will be changed in ways we can’t yet understand, but we will prevail.  That I don’t doubt.  What I doubt is whether I will get to be part of that new reality. 

But despite my fear, I know that this isn’t a time to panic. We all need to be cautious, thoughtful, empathetic, selfless and smart.

Here’s to us all paying attention – if you’ve had your head poked in the sand up until now, its ok…shake it off and join the rest of us who are just grateful you are finally paying attention and thinking beyond yourself.  We can all bravely face this challenge and come out the other side knowing we have no reason to feel bad that we reacted in poor form, but that our actions showed our humanity.

Yes, we are facing something we haven't in my lifetime. Be cautious. Be careful. Be well. Take warnings seriously and safeguard yourself and your life. And please think about and be respectful of the lives of other people. Don't force people to work because you selfishly want to take a risk.

I challenge us all to put our humanity on display. Please don’t dismiss our older generations, our poor, our sick, our high risk friends and family.  May we all be empathetic, selfless and kind.  Let us all be good neighbors - good humans. 

#AllInThisTogether #SocialDistancing #covid-19 #2020Pandemic #BeResponsible #ThinkBeyondYourself #DontRiskYourLife #DontRiskTheLivesofOthers