SOUL MUD: Random Ramblings of my 24/7 Brain

In my quest to know myself better, I was inspired to come back to the very basic ideas that we all encountered in Philosophy 101. But hold on, before you think that I’m being all philosophic and smart, let me tell you that my line of thinking was inspired by the movie “Elf.”   There is a line in the movie where the writers are talking to Myles Finch and they complement his children’s book by the name of Gus’s Pickles by saying:   “It’s existential, yet so accessible.”   I mean, by all means feel free to think I’m brilliant, but know that my train of thought was fueled by a make-believe story (that I do absolutely love, BTW!). But, back to my ramble about Essentialism vs. Existentialism.   If I remember correctly, the philosophy goes something like this:   Essentialism is a belief system based on human life having an innate or intrinsic purpose, but we each find our own individual life purpose.   Whereas, Existentialism is a belief system that ...

My response to yet another 2:30 AM Twitter rant (that I won't even validate by giving any mention to here) that we've all become too accustomed to from Mr. Donald Trump.  It isn't fair to lump all his supporters into one category. I would assume there are people who voted for him that are now horrified. Don't get me wrong - president or not, Mr. @realDonaldTrump is a deplorable human being. He has brought sickening adversities to the forefront in our country and in the world. He is a shining example of what NOT to be. He is, without question, the epitome of what is wrong with our world – hatred, self-consumption, greed, self-loathing, deception, bigotry, entitlement…and the list goes on and on. The true tragedy in all this will be if we don’t learn from this man, who will undoubtedly be remembered among the worst U.S. Presidents in the history of this country. It is easy to focus on all the awful things that @realDonaldTrump does and says. You would have to be d...

Have you ever had the experience of stumbling across a book or a movie or a song that you’ve read, saw or heard before, yet this time…this time it resonates with you as it hadn’t previously?   That varied reaction speaks unquestionably to timing.   Unless you have encountered something at precisely the right time in your life, it is possible that the import of it will be lost on you.     The things that we respond to at the age of twenty are not necessarily the same things that ring true to us at the age of forty.   This can be said of many things: people, places, mantras, lessons, books, songs, poems, movies, etc.   While this may seem to be the simplest of thoughts, I have marveled at this at times.   My mind easily meanders through my life events and easily becomes lost in a personal version of a “chose your own adventure” book as I wonder at what the outcomes may have been if I knew what I know today.   Or better yet, what the outcome w...

Man-o-man!   I SUCK at this “letting go” thing!   I think I get it, only to find out that I am way out of my league and in fact, mired in my own pathetic “not letting go” mess!   (Yes, I realize that I put an exclamation point on every sentence thus far.   I’m really stressed about my inability to LET IT GO!)   ((((DEEP BREATH)))) Here’s the thing – the thing I know about myself:   I feel things.   No… I really FEEEEEEEL things.   Many times I feel things and absorb energies that aren’t mine and I don’t want, but that is another tangent in itself… (focus, Autumn).   Anyway,   I don’t waste my time, energy, emotion, empathy and caring on people or things that don’t matter greatly to me.   Therefore, I have deep emotional attachments that become part of me.   I get the concept of letting go, but when it comes down to it and I need to let go, it feels like I’m trying to disregard something that I have a deep connection to. ...

I’ve always believed that giving up was a sign of weakness; proof that I didn’t have faith.   How could I claim to be strong and yet, give in to knowing I could not keep holding on; that I could not outlast the negative and ultimately get what my heart desired? But somewhere along the way, the holding on and persistence began to do more than prod me.   It began to cut.   And with every slice, the wound became deeper and more painful.   The anguish of never attaining and always fighting became relentless.   The pain began to live within me.   It wrapped its fingers around my heart squeezing out only pain.    It suffocated joy and prevented me from feeling it for myself and others.   The pain mocked me and sneered at me as I mourned it, denying my heart’s desire.   And yet, I would not give up.   I think hopefulness tends to be innate in most humans.   I became lost in being hopeful.   That hope became a fragmented...

THE OCEAN BECKONS - By Autumn Boyet Stinton (11/17/2017) A haze of clouds settles atop the world closing an escape and quenching all light,                                              …the subsequent oppression suffocating the air with weight.   Fog tendrils emerge from the violent collision of warmth succumbing to the cold,                                              …fingers grasping, slithering their way across skin.   The sea boils and churns with angst in reaction to an unfathomable power,     ...

Acceptance.   Is it a positive characteristic or a personality flaw?   Children are pure.   Their beings are born without influence.   They are not marred by prejudice of any sort.   However, influences begin to barrage them immediately.   How many children simply accept what they are told while growing up?   Many easily accept their parent’s choices in life as their own.   It’s like a predetermined orientation should you want to just coast along.   Whether it is spiritual, sexual or political, versions of someone else’s reality can too easily be ingrained and even accepted without question – without contemplating who one is as an individual in relation to the existence that is presented to them as the norm.   It works for some people.   However, as was the case with me, it can also present a problem for someone who not only requires an explanation for everything, but finds questioning everything to be a very natural facet of...

On my 43rd birthday, I received an unexpected and truly remarkable gift from my mother - an written recollection on my birth.  I was brought to tears at her words.  What an amazing gift my mom is to me!  Memories (Remembering October 25 th , 1974) With a smile, I remember it well. Finally, pain was bringing the moment closer & closer.   I was so excited, couldn't wait!  It seemed like we had been waiting forever!   I was sure you were a girl.  Your daddy wanted a girl so badly.   We had your name all picked out and waiting.  What if you were a boy?  We hadn't decided on a name because we were sure you were a girl. At last we got our wish - SHE was here!   Red hair just as we pictured.  What a fireball!   So alert - Staring at the world with an independent curiosity, that seemed to be a challenge to the world.  The nurses said you kept the nursery in an uproar - better for me!  Th...

This morning I started thinking about success and what that means.   It means different things to different people, and I would go one step further to say that the idea of success changes at different stages and times in our lives.   But, what recently caught my attention and got me to thinking about it is that society seems to have a blanket definition of success.   A definition that, instead of motivating individuals to pursue their own success, encourages – or practically demands – that one achieve the kind of success that sprouts from commercialism and greed, and ultimately benefits a puppet master.   I recently read a book and this quote stuck with me:     “While simply surviving may sometimes not feel like a very nice way to be living, we only realize that surviving is a success and an achievement to be proud of once we are old.   When we are young, we feel we are meant for more obvious triumphs.”     I took the above mentio...