Balance For The Win! (11/21/2017)

Have you ever had the experience of stumbling across a book or a movie or a song that you’ve read, saw or heard before, yet this time…this time it resonates with you as it hadn’t previously?  That varied reaction speaks unquestionably to timing.  Unless you have encountered something at precisely the right time in your life, it is possible that the import of it will be lost on you. 

 The things that we respond to at the age of twenty are not necessarily the same things that ring true to us at the age of forty.  This can be said of many things: people, places, mantras, lessons, books, songs, poems, movies, etc.  While this may seem to be the simplest of thoughts, I have marveled at this at times.  My mind easily meanders through my life events and easily becomes lost in a personal version of a “chose your own adventure” book as I wonder at what the outcomes may have been if I knew what I know today.  Or better yet, what the outcome would be if I knew nothing more than I did back them. 

And so, it is true in life, that for everything there is a season.  From there, it is but a small step for me before I am plummeting into the black hole that is “what if.” 

The variables become too great to contemplate.  My own individuality and free will is alone mind boggling.  But if you throw into the mix the free will of other people, events and circumstance that cross my path, suddenly, ((gripping both sides of my head)) my mind begins to whirl and sway.  I can almost feel something deep down inside me tilt off kilter.  I become momentarily dizzy and disoriented.  The magnitude of the “what-ifs” is nauseating and yet intoxicating.  The expectant nature of the unknown is like a flame on a cold night – It draws you in, but burns you if you get too close.  And so I find that I release my mind from the suffocating grip of the in-depth contemplation of the variables.  It is just too much.  And so I release the head of steam that has accumulated in my thoughts and take a deep pull of air – hoping it will reach the hot molten lava of my soul and diffuse the burning,  and releasing the tension in my soul. 

The French poet Jean de La Fontaine said, “A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.” 

This spins me in an entirely different direction – Counterclockwise, if you will – and I once again feel off kilter.  Did you ever ride a tilt-a-while as a kid?  Do you recall the sensation that overtook you when, after becoming almost accustom to the spinning in one direction, the rotating stopped and you were swung into orbit on an alternate swing?  That!  That is the feeling that overtakes me.  It is disorienting, but there is a little excitement and fear in there as well.  When I stop and think about it, I can settle on the fact that it isn’t so much the spinning, but the sway between the extremes that causes the funny feeling; the possibility of balance as your body still reverberates and tries to recover from the change.  It is interesting for me to think about that.  We, as humans, are able to adapt.  We are just built that way.  It makes no difference what the circumstance is, we are instinctually resilient. 

 

I am intrigued by the debate of random circumstance vs. destiny.  I am not ignorant or so stubborn to think that one outweighs the other in relevance, but that is a whole other tangent for another day.    

 

But there is an a-ha moment here, (and the reason for the mention of the tilt-a-whirl above).  BALANCE!  It is in the split second of balance that clarity and order come about. 

 
In this world of extremes, it only makes sense that the middle ground – the balance – is disorienting and confusing for us.  It isn’t to say that we aren’t adaptable, because we are.  That is how we come to function, quite successfully I might add, in the grand swing of the pendulum.  But existing in that swing requires that we are constantly striving to maintain our footing, and that requires a great deal of effort.  Think about how difficult it would be to complete even the simplest of tasks while having to walk along the wiggly and wavy floor of a fun house.  Yes.  It is do-able, but it would require a lot of focus and effort, it isn’t sustainable over any amount of time, and exhaustion is sure to set in quickly.  But isn’t that how our lives have become?  I can speak for only myself and I feel this a wobbly fun house floor is a pretty great (and accurate) depiction of how my life is.

But I digress….(as I usually do in these mind meanderings)

Where was I?  Oh, yes….BALANCE.  I suck at balance.  As much sucking as I do recently (get you mind out of the gutter) I am quite the vacuum – of the hoover variety.  Or maybe of the devoid space kind as my mind sure seems to flit to and from of late.  But, again…I digress. 

I feel as though balance in this world – in my life – has to be a conscious choice.  It is within a balanced outlook and thought process that I can find the path to purpose and reaching my goals and in doing so, I create less stress for myself. 

As simple as that sounds, I really find it challenging.  Outside influences alone can make my head wobble at times.  I easily find occasion to worry or fret about things beyond my control.  This zaps energy from me…energy that has to come from somewhere, so it is certain that another aspect of my life is short-changed.  That in itself thrown off my balancing act and that slows or completely inhibits forward movement. 

In my mind, life is like a tight rope walker.  Walking the rope suspended off the ground is a feat in itself.  But that isn’t the way life is – or at least it isn’t the way my life is.  Adding to the basic fear of falling, I am the tight rope walker that is balancing something on my shoulders, head and maybe even both hands.  It is not as simple as just balancing and walking across the rope. (Oh, to have learned to keep it that simple!)  Balance and alignment are absolutely vital.  One small degree off kilter and the whole thing comes crashing down.  So, it really is a slow, steady, alignment and balancing act.  Forward movement must be halted to maintain balance every time something slouches a bit.  Balance has to be returned before forward motion can commence.  And so it goes….the balancing act of life…at a snail’s pace because I have stacked too many things on my head, shoulders and anywhere else I can think to stack stresses.  And for what? 

I need more balance in my life…but I think that might mean I need to do some simplification to make the balance possible.