I am full of $H!T (4/25/2018)

I do not deny – I AM FULL OF SHIT! 

 

Seriously.  I tend to be wrapped up in my feelings, my thoughts, my excuses, my life …my shit!  If honest, we have to admit that we are all active participants in a 24/7 shit show.  Our society is self-absorbed, self-consumed, pleasure-driven and rarely do we stop to think about how our actions, words and deeds effect anyone else. 

Have you ever stopped to consider the things that simply roll off your tongue compared to any actual follow up that you make to those words?  Have you ever bumped into someone, had a quick cordial chat and ended with, “Let’s get coffee and catch up” or simply, “We should connect soon!” How many times have you walked away, rolled your eyes or said under your breath, “Yeah, right!” or “What a tool!”  You’ve done it…I’ve done it.  Yep!  FULL OF SHIT!

How about this one:  You have hundreds of people you are connected with on any one of a plethora of social media platforms, right?  Me too!  Of those hundreds of people, you actual see, spend time with or talk to maybe 1% of them on any sort or regular basis.  However, in your real-life conversations, have you referred to one of those persons as “a friend of mine?” Or have you wished said “friend” a happy birthday or anniversary or given one of their pictures or posts a hearty “thumbs up” or the ever generous “heart emoji?”  Well aren’t you a dear friend!  Nope!  Nuh-uh!  FULL OF SHIT! 

Which brings me to my most recent FOS realization.  (FOS, being Full of Shit in case you had a long day and weren’t able to make the connection – That isn’t me being full of shit…I’m just being snarky!  😊)  ANYWAY…back to yet another example of and most recent a-ha moment when it comes to being full of shit. 

I subscribe to a belief in fate.  I do.  Partially.  Are there predetermined courses of events?  Yes.  Once a baby is born, they will live until they die.  Death is predetermined.  We know we will die.  But, can we with absolution say how we will live until death and then how we will die?  No.  That is where a new piece in my belief system is introduced and intertwined into my belief in fate – It is my understanding of free will. 

Be means of my free will, I can act without the constraint of fate.  I have the ability to act at my own discretion so as to make choices and decisions between different possible courses of action – unimpeded - that will, no doubt, affect my life and possibly how and when I die.  But, as fate would have it, I will still die at some point. 

Now, here is my admission of the shittiness of which I am full of.  I have been known to say, (if you could see me, you would notice a visible cringe), “What’s meant to be, will be” or “Everything happens for a reason.”  Don’t get me wrong - in and of itself, those are true statements.  However, the issue in my mind comes when it is used as an excuse.  An excuse to avoid hard work; an excuse to avoid dealing with our feelings; and excuse to be complacent; an excuse to avoid responsibility for our actions; an excuse to console ourselves or someone else; an excuse when we don’t understand; an excuse when we are at a loss for words.  An excuse.  And that mean my friends, if we are using fate as a crutch …you guessed it, we are FULL OF SHIT!

The idea of fate can be comforting.  We can use it to build a little nest of security.  It’s an easy crutch to get us through things that are sometimes too difficult to traverse.  When we are at a loss, it’s nice that we can blame an all-encompassing, unanticipated, yet always present force for anything and everything that happens to us.  Relying on the crutch of fate can ease guilt and take away our sense of responsibility.  And what’s more, it is easy to welcome fate as a guiding sign of where to go next. 

The thing is, this romanticized view of fate leaves us complacent.  It skews my understanding and perception of free will.  Without a doubt, it is so much easier to blame a loss or failure on fate – it just wasn’t “meant to be.”  But there is a big reason to be concerned here.  Actually, there are a couple reasons.  1.  I think we owe ourselves more credit than that.  I don’t know about you, but I work hard to achieve dreams and make my desires a reality.  I think we are far more responsible for the direction our lives take.  2.  Fate may be a safe comfort zone – and I can’t speak for you, but the unpredictable, alluringly messy, beautiful disaster that is life – well, that happens outside my comfort zone and I’m not willing to give that up. 

So, I think that I need to calibrate my belief system.  I can be honest and true and kind.  I can accept responsibility while living in the river of life, floating along on my raft of fate…but that doesn’t mean I have to be FULL OF SHIT! 

Real – that is shit free. 

 Autumn Boyet - Circa 1977

 Photography by The Durango Herald