SOUL MUD: Random Ramblings of my 24/7 Brain

 Random thought...As an adult, have you stopped to think about they way we thought about stairs and how they were kinda an event in our lives.  Really.  Think about stairs the way you used to think about stairs in your child-like mind...   (Elevators and escalators will outrank stairs and will always be prioritized...and that's a whole other level of "event!" Option 1: Sitting down, sticking legs straight out and going down bum first.  Solid option for any stair type in all environments.  Always. Option 2:  Going down on your belly, arms straight out in front of your like Superwoman  feet first.  And if you are feeling really brave because 2 of your front teeth are loose and soon to fall out anyway, you can go down face first - keeping your chin up because the last time you were laughing too hard and ended up forgetting to lift your chin and you had a huge raspberry rug burn on your chin and not only did it sting, but you got really tired of ...

I just don't understand... Why aren't people taking this seriously?  Why dare people refusing to listen.  Why are people insisting on perpetuating the problem despite the warnings? Stay home means exactly that - not go visit your friends.  This isn't vacation. It's the lives of those we care about...and while the elderly have been hit hard initially, it's EVERYONE ...all of our lives are at risk. This is just the beginning.  Why is that so hard for people to see and understand? The death tolls are going to rise exponentially in the weeks to come.  That's what they are trying to tell us.  We trust doctors and specialists when we need medical care, but we won't listen to them now, when we are facing a pandemic? This isn't just the flu.  The flu is a human virus - something our bodies can fight.  Covid-19 is NOT.  It is a 'novel' virus that is changing and morphing faster than anyone could have guessed and so controlling it is next t...

I’m grouchy.   I’m out of sorts.   I’m pissy.   I’m short tempered.   And, I  haven’t been able to get a grip on why exactly.     Watching TV, I am struck, over and over again, by the messages that are being conveyed by celebrities, entire cities, performers, etc.   The messages are all similar.   Based on the #AllInThisTogether basis – each message reminds us that we are stronger together and we will get thru this COVID-19 pandemic.   Watching these messages and thoughts last night, the fog in my brain cleared a little and I was able to focus in on what is wrong with me… I’m scared I am going to die.   It’s a really weird thing - life right now is a little like sleepwalking into an apocalyptic movie. There is hysteria - that seems to be oddly centered around toilet paper – but hysteria nonetheless.   There are people who believe that it is a conspiracy or political hoax.   There are people who are refusi...

If you know us, you know that we (Doug and I) attend a lot of Roger Clyne & the Peacemaker concerts and events.   We travel to listen to their music and the music of other favorite artists like Jim Dalton and the Railbenders, The Jons, The Black Moods and new to my list of favorites, Max Mackey…and yet - many more.   You surely see us post our travels and our attendance to music festivals and other music related adventures.   You may even have called us “groupies.”   What you don’t see and may not understand is that while the music brings us together, entertains and moves us, it is so much more than just the music.   It’s the close circle of like-minded people that we gather around us and their easy comfortable friendships that we revel in and feel charged by.   We consider them our tribe and we are so grateful for each person and the special gifts they bring into our lives.   This past weekend was a marathon of fun, friends and music....

Last night, as I lay in my bed, enjoying the "fuzzy place" between awake and asleep, I found myself lingering on thoughts of the man by my side.  His kind heart.  His caring nature.  His strength.  His playful demeanor.  His truly good soul.  And I thought to myself, "I love this man.  I am so fortunate that he puts up with my shit!" (Full disclosure:  I had been - as my dad would have said - a witch with a capital "B" most of the evening.) As I loathed my behavior and planned my apology for the morning, I couldn't help but think about the stress he's endured...because of me.  And the worry that plagues him...because of me. A moment that he recently shared with me came to mind - the moment the Oncologist came to him after my surgery and told him that I was in recovery and doing good.  And more, that I didn't need chemo or radiation. He said that relief he felt was so great that he took a knee.  I was so touched by this reaction ...

Whatever you might call it – internal monologue, self-talk, inner or internal speech or discourse – we all have an internal voice because we are here – we are alive.   To put it in very simple terms, your internal dialogue is/are your thoughts.   A French man by the name of Descates is famously quoted as saying. “I think, Therefore I Am.”   I’ll come back to this statement in a moment, but for now it is important to take that quote at face value in that, the ability to think and reason in situations is part of what makes us innately human.   Our internal dialogue/thinking is the little voice in your head that comments on your life, what is going on around you and what you are thinking (whether consciously or unconsciously).   It only makes sense then, as life is a non-stop whirlwind, that our internal dialogue runs all the time.   When looking at Descates quote, (as seen above), I would like to venture that there is more to his statement.   O...

It's been a minute since I've written anything.   To be honest, it's been a minute since I've felt like being verbal.  I've spent the past couple of months feeling very introspective, in a "I don't want to talk," "I don't have the energy to analyze it," I just need to let this simmer" kind of way.   It felt like the right thing to do and so I just went with it.  But now I'm ready to close this chapter and move on.  However, to go forward, I have to go back a bit.   Here's what happened... I stumbled into 2019 feeling worn down and not myself. My #1 goal was to value myself enough to pursue better health to increase my quality of life.  It was a rough road.  I was constantly sick, missing work and even in the hospital a couple times throughout the first half of the year.   By the time June rolled around, I was in pain and vomiting all the time and exhausted from just getting out of bed.  I remember getting o...